Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
How "If U Seek Amy" Might Just Make Sense
In honor of attempts to F-U-C-K the FCC, I would like to reward Britney by trying to make "If U Seek Amy" make sense.
First, here are the lyrics if you're not familiar with the song:
Now, I have two pieces of evidence for why this song does not fall apart in sense-making at the chorus.
1. Historically, many Britney songs don't make all that much sense anyways. What does "hit me baby one more time" really mean? (I mean, we can infer a sexual meaning but no one that I know actually goes around telling people to hit them one more time.) Her songs are usually about some sort of vague relationship/sexual thing without any specific details. The "you" and "I" could be anyone or anything. Examples:
2. The argument that uptight people tend to have against the song is that the chorus doesn't match the verses and is just an excuse to spell out "fuck." Well, actually, if you read the chorus a different way (as, historically, many Britney songs can be read various ways since they are vague) it can make sense. The verses have the speaker searching for the elusive Amy. If you read the chorus as "Love me, hate me/Say what you want about me/But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to," then it would make sense that people may love or hate the speaker since clearly everyone wants Amy and the speaker is trying to get her. If the sentence ends with everyone "begging to" it simply means they, too, are begging to get a chance with Amy. Then, the next sentence in the chorus would be read as "If you seek Amy/Love me, hate me/But can't you see what I see?/All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to." This makes sense because if you seek Amy, you're jealous of Britney. It's really just a matter of how one decides to split up the sentences of the chorus. Now, obviously "if you seek Amy" was strategically placed to imply "F-U-C-K," but I just wanted to point out that the chorus can make sense.
First, here are the lyrics if you're not familiar with the song:
La la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la (2x)
Oh baby baby have you seen Amy tonight?
Is she in the bathroom? Is she smokin' up outside? Oh
Oh baby baby does she take a piece of lime
For the drink that I'ma buy her
Do you know just what she likes? Oh
Oh oh tell me have you seen her
Cuz I'm so-oh oh
I cant get her out of my brain
I just wanna go to the party she gon' go
Can somebody take me home?
Ha ha he he ha ha ho
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
But can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
La la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la (2x)
Amy told me that shes gonna meet me up
I don't know where or when and now they're closing up the club Oh
I've seen her once or twice before she knows my face
But it's hard to see with all the people standing in the way Oh
Oh oh
Tell me have you seen her cause I'm so Oh
I can't get her off of my brain
I just wanna go to the party she gon' go
Can't somebody take me home
Ha ha he he ha ha ho
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
But can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
Oh but can't you see what I see?
Yeah say what you want about me (about me, about me)
So tell me if you see her
(if you knew what she was wearing and what she was like)
Cause I've been waiting here forever
(if you knew if she was going out of line)
Oh baby baby if you seek Amy tonight
Oh baby baby we'll do whatever you like
Oh baby baby baby
Oh baby baby baby
La la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la (2x)
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
But can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me yeah
Love me, hate me
But can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
Oh but can't you see what I see?
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to
If you seek Amy
Now, I have two pieces of evidence for why this song does not fall apart in sense-making at the chorus.
1. Historically, many Britney songs don't make all that much sense anyways. What does "hit me baby one more time" really mean? (I mean, we can infer a sexual meaning but no one that I know actually goes around telling people to hit them one more time.) Her songs are usually about some sort of vague relationship/sexual thing without any specific details. The "you" and "I" could be anyone or anything. Examples:
You drive me crazy
I just cant sleep
I'm so excited, I'm in too deep
Oh...crazy, but it feels alright
Baby, thinking of you keeps me up all night
Boys
Sometimes a girl just needs one (you know I need you)
Boys
To love her and to hold (I just want you to touch me)
Boys
When a girl is with one (mm mmm)
Boys
Then she's in control (yeah)
2. The argument that uptight people tend to have against the song is that the chorus doesn't match the verses and is just an excuse to spell out "fuck." Well, actually, if you read the chorus a different way (as, historically, many Britney songs can be read various ways since they are vague) it can make sense. The verses have the speaker searching for the elusive Amy. If you read the chorus as "Love me, hate me/Say what you want about me/But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to," then it would make sense that people may love or hate the speaker since clearly everyone wants Amy and the speaker is trying to get her. If the sentence ends with everyone "begging to" it simply means they, too, are begging to get a chance with Amy. Then, the next sentence in the chorus would be read as "If you seek Amy/Love me, hate me/But can't you see what I see?/All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to." This makes sense because if you seek Amy, you're jealous of Britney. It's really just a matter of how one decides to split up the sentences of the chorus. Now, obviously "if you seek Amy" was strategically placed to imply "F-U-C-K," but I just wanted to point out that the chorus can make sense.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
MANTIS SHRIMP'D
Hol. Y. Shit.
Have you seen a mantis shrimp? They are fucking amazing. If not, now you will see one.
This mantis shrimp is like who the fuck are you. Note: This shrimp immediately killed the photographer and the camera was recovered from the bottom of the ocean 10 years later.
Mantis shrimp are the greatest species on Earth and by far the most bad ass. Humans don't even come close. In fact, we fail epically when compared to the mighty mantis. I will now quote Wikipedia to the prove this to you.
So what if I only have one source and the majority of this blog is from Wikipedia? Mantis shrimp sure don't give a fuck. Uni-sourcing, like mantis shrimp, is the most bad ass thing around.
Have you seen a mantis shrimp? They are fucking amazing. If not, now you will see one.
This mantis shrimp is like who the fuck are you. Note: This shrimp immediately killed the photographer and the camera was recovered from the bottom of the ocean 10 years later.
Mantis shrimp are the greatest species on Earth and by far the most bad ass. Humans don't even come close. In fact, we fail epically when compared to the mighty mantis. I will now quote Wikipedia to the prove this to you.
"the relative ease the creature has in mutilating small appendages"
"mantis shrimp sport powerful claws that they use to attack and kill prey by spearing, stunning or dismemberment"
"some larger species of mantis shrimp are capable of breaking through aquarium glass with a single strike from this weapon"
"These aggressive and typically solitary sea creatures spend most of their time hiding in rock formations or burrowing intricate passageways in the sea-bed"
"unlike most crustaceans, [they] actually hunt, chase and kill living prey"
"Around 400 species of mantis shrimp have currently been described... They are commonly separated into two distinct groups determined by the manner of claws they possess:
-Spearers are armed with spiny appendages topped with barbed tips, used to stab and snag prey
-Smashers, on the other hand, possess a much more developed club and a more rudimentary spear (which is nevertheless quite sharp and still used in fights between their own kind); the club is used to bludgeon and smash their meals apart. The "punch" delivered has roughly the acceleration of a .22 caliber bullet. The inner aspect of the dactyl (the terminal portion of the appendage) can also possess a sharp edge, with which the animal can cut prey while it swims."
"Both types strike by rapidly unfolding and swinging their raptorial claws at the prey, and are capable of inflicting serious damage on victims significantly greater in size than themselves"
"Because they strike so rapidly, they generate cavitation bubbles between the appendage and the striking surface. The collapse of these cavitation bubbles produces measurable forces on their prey in addition to the instantaneous forces of 1,500 N that are caused by the impact of the appendage against the striking surface, which means that the prey is hit twice by a single strike; first by the claw and then by the collapsing cavitation bubbles that immediately follow. Even if the initial strike misses the prey, the resulting shock wave can be enough to kill or stun the prey."
"The snap can also produce sonoluminescence from the collapsing bubble. This will produce a very small amount of light and high temperatures in the range of several thousand kelvin within the collapsing bubble"
"Mantis shrimp possess hyperspectral colour vision, allowing up to 12 colour channels extending in the ultraviolet. Their eyes (both mounted on mobile stalks and constantly moving about independently of each other) are similarly variably coloured, and are considered to be the most complex eyes in the animal kingdom."
"Some species have at least 16 different photoreceptor types..., 12 of them for colour analysis in the different wavelengths (including four which are sensitive to ultraviolet light) and four of them for analysing polarised light. By comparison, humans have only four visual pigments."
"Mantis shrimp appear to be highly intelligent, are long-lived and exhibit complex behaviour, such as ritualised fighting.... They can learn and remember well, and are able to recognise individual neighbours with whom they frequently interact. They can recognise them by visual signs and even by individual smell. Many have developed a complex social behaviour to defend their space from rivals."
"In the monogamous species, the mantis shrimp remain with the same partner for up to 20 years. They share the same burrow, and there are reasons to suspect that these pairs can coordinate their activities. Both sexes often take care of the eggs (biparental care)."
So what if I only have one source and the majority of this blog is from Wikipedia? Mantis shrimp sure don't give a fuck. Uni-sourcing, like mantis shrimp, is the most bad ass thing around.
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