The True Story of Jesus and Satan

Then Jesus went forth into the desert to deprive himself of food and worldly pleasures. Satan saw Jesus from Hell and knew-eth that this was was an opportunity to fornicate with someone as good in bed as God. Satan appeared to Jesus in the desert and tempted him with his large member, promising domination in the bedroom and all manner of sex toy play. Jesus, who knew God hath His eyes upon him, refused (God never really got over the break up). Besides-eth, Jesus had Mary to drink his bonerade. Satan returned to Hell with the biggest blue balls in the history of the world. He relieved himself in the Beast upon his arrival home.


Naked sexy Satan tempting prude Jesus

The True Story of God and Satan

In the beginning, God created the angels. He wast greatly impressed with His creation. Thou angels hast been beautiful androgynous beings, but Lucifer was the most beautiful of all. God could neither keep His eyes nor His hands off of his most glorious creation. They fucked thrice nightly.

But one day, Lucifer brought forth his trueth intentions. He spoke to God in their most holy of bedrooms. "I needeth you to fulfilleth my kink. Let us engage in some light bondage," Lucifer said. God felt as though he had been smote. He was only into the most pure, holy, and sinless vanilla sex. He expelled Lucifer from Heaven, creating Satan, the Lord of Underworld. Satan created Hell, a place where BDSM, fire kinks, and general sexual debauchery were encouraged.

The Puritans today regardeth this Hell as a place of punishment, but the wisest of the wise know better. Hell hath been a haven for sexually delicious sinners everywhere.


Sexy Satan strikes a pose.


Satan just wanted some bondage...